Why Do We Keep the Good Stuff to Ourselves?
“Your sentences are sacraments for others to know their worth.” —Jennifer Freed
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Hi Friends-
In my last newsletter, I wrote about the power of our inner dialogues, and how we cast spells with our words. This week, I’m sharing the second part of my talk on “Casting Spells of Worthiness,” which discusses how we cast those spells outwards to others with the speech that we use, the words that we choose, and the energy that we infuse into those words.
I hope it sparks something useful for you.
Much love,
Jocelyn
Why Do We Keep the Good Stuff to Ourselves?
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We are all such tender, impressionable beings, so much more than we acknowledge or even know. The children’s chant of “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” is hardly true. Words are incredibly powerful — they have the power to heal and they also have the power to harm.
For better or worse, I bet almost everyone reading this essay has a story — frequently from your childhood or teenage years — where someone said something to you and it stuck, and you’ve carried those words with you all these years.
I think one of the most common ways this shows up is with a teacher, a coach, or other authority figure saying something to you that reinforces the idea that you are — or are not — artistic, athletic, smart, graceful, etc.
Especially when we’re young, we really receive the energy of those words in at a deep level. If that authority figure doesn’t see you, or your talents, the way that you see them, it can introduce some doubt. On the other hand, if they see a potential or a talent in you that maybe even you didn’t see, that reflection and encouragement can make all the difference.
And sometimes that authority figure intentionally meant to influence you, but a lot of times they didn’t. They were just speaking, without really thinking about the power of their words, and yet here you are still carrying that memory around.
So our words have this remarkable power. And it’s important that we acknowledge that power. Because if we acknowledge it, if we decide to place some consciousness there, we can do so much good with our words.
One of the things I’ve noticed in myself as I’ve developed more consciousness around “my thoughts as words” is how often I will be thinking fondly of a friend, or some quality they have, or how much I appreciate them. And I’ve been observing how, most of the time, that just happens inside of my mind. It never gets communicated to them — they don’t hear the words. They don’t know or feel that good energy.
We are so quick to share advice and constructive feedback, but what about appreciation and love and tenderness? Are we sharing those “good words” as much as we could?
How can we offer those positive sentiments to those around us — in speech — as they arise? How can we take them out of our brains and make sure that they get shared? That we use the power of our words as much to infuse the world around us with love, as we use them for critique?
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If you’ve travelled on the subway in NYC, you’ll know that there are these announcements that say, if you see something, say something. The MTA doesn’t make it explicit, but it’s pretty clear they mean those words in a negative sense. Like, if you see someone doing something bad or committing a crime, you’re supposed to say something.
But I would like to propose this as a concept that we can invert for good. That is: if you see something positive, if you see the good in someone, if you see the care in someone, if you see the potential in someone, if you see the sensitivity in someone… if you see something that is good, that is positive, that is beautiful, say something.
Or if you have that fond thought in your mind, pick up the phone and call someone and tell them what it is, or pick up your phone and send them a text and tell them what it is, or even just tune into them energetically with your mind and send them what I call a “telegram” about how much you love them, or how much you appreciate them. I guarantee that they will feel it.
We keep so many of the good thoughts and the good speech and the good words inside of ourselves, forgetting to externalize them, forgetting to share those words with the people we love, the people we work with, the people we care for. And so, part of acknowledging the power of our words, part of acknowledging the power of our language, is to recognize how powerful it can be to speak those things — to speak that compliment, to speak that admiration, to speak that encouragement, to speak that love.
If you see something in someone, say something.
Not if you see something you think someone can’t do. But if you see something that you think someone can do. If you see something about their goodness, if you see something about their presence, if you see something about their energy, say it. Speak those words because they really, really matter.
I remember I went to see this astrologer in Portland in my 20s, and he was looking at my birth chart and, almost in passing, he said: “You have the power to change the world.” And I believed him. I was like: Wow, I have the power to change the world. Let me go think about how I can make an impact…
That is the power of our words. That is the power of expressing the abundance of what we see in people.
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I want to close with this quotation from the depth psychologist and astrologist Jennifer Freed, from her book Use Your Planets Wisely. This is what she describes as the goal of higher consciousness for people who have their sun in Gemini. Gemini, of course, being the sign of communication and words and language. Also my sun sign.
Your words themselves are deeds. You speak only from a sacred understanding that every word is a living being. Your sentences are sacraments for others to know their worth and their beloved nature on this earth.
That is my hope for how we can all use the magical, transformative power of words to relate to ourselves and to those around us. To understand our words as deeds, as sacraments, as living beings in and of themselves.
p.s. Read part one in this series on “Casting Spells of Worthiness.”
LINK ABOUT IT
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When I told a friend I was wrestling with some demons last week, she sent me this excellent Allison Russell video. Here’s how Russell describes it: “‘Demons’ is about looking our traumas, our fears, our pain and not letting them drive the bus.” Amen.
I recently watched The Velvet Queen, a breathtaking nature documentary about a photographer in search of a snow leopard in the mountains of Tibet. From the narrator: “I learned that patience was a supreme virtue. The most elegant and the most neglected. It helped you love the world.”
A beautiful interview between adrienne maree, Autumn Brown, and the artist Morgan Bassichis: “That’s the job of the artist — to be with the uncomfortable truth.”
The secret force behind America’s toxic solitude: “Americans spend more time alone—and less time socializing in-person—than any period in recorded history.”
On letting go of your smartphone: A fascinating look at what the people using dumbphones are carrying around in their bags.
Thanks for reading. 💓
If you’re ready to go deeper, there are a few ways to work with me: I teach folks how to take a heart-centered approach to productivity with my RESET course. I also offer transformative 1-1 sessions in the form of energy journeys and alchemy coaching. Learn more at jkg.co.
Enjoyed this, and yes to saying and communicating more good things!
Love this so much. And you truly are radiating goodness by sharing these thoughts Jocelyn!